About me & my Deputy

He is the light of my life & I love him.  All that mushy stuff and more, but I'll spare you.

I met The Deputy when I was 11.  He was 18.  No, there was no weird stuff going on between us.  I liked reading Babysitters Club stuff - NOT checking out The Deputy.  My sister was 6 and took great pride and joy in finding The Deputy, untying his apron and kicking him in the back of the knee (or "leg pit", as my niece likes to call it).

I was a good kid and didn't start frequenting pool halls until I was 18.  I started running into the Deputy and spending some time with him.  I was NOT interested in him.  I just liked talking to him to escape the teenage chatter and nonsense.  We made fun of people, and I would make fun of The Deputy too, because I'm mean sometimes.

The Deputy and I started working at the same place together.  He was interested in me, but scared that my Grandpa might kill him if he dated me & broke my heart.  The Deputy started dating a CRAZY lady, and I do mean CRAZY!!  They got married.  What the heck was wrong with The Deputy, we will never know.

I was not interested, so didn't say anything before they got married.  I was dating a guy, or a few, I don't remember.  I was single when The Deputy was getting a divorce.  He found me and asked me out on a date.

I debated going out with him, since we had known each other as friends for so long.  At first, it was a little awkward, but within a month, I knew that The Deputy was the one for me.  He interrupted my shower one day to say, "Hey, you wanna get married?"

We went ring shopping and the rest is history.  Well, except for that CRAZY lady...she's not history.  She robbed a bank, and now she's a guest in a penitentiary.  Seriously.

From BOP.gov website

Inmate Locator - Locate Federal inmates from 1982 to present

	Name	Register #	Age-Race-Sex	Release Date	Location
1.	*************	*****-112	27-White-F	10-05-2011	WASECA FCI

About my Grandma

Respect your elders.  Surely, they did not know my Grandma when they said that.  I try to respect her, but she's kind of kooky or quirky...or whatever word you want to use to make "deranged old lady with dementia, on a mission to blow herself up," sound more respectful.


Grandma's activities are entirely too much for one blog, but we'll cover the more notable experiences. Let's talk about Grandma's mode of transportation.  She was driving a truck, but since that would've been about 500 to fix, and her car would only cost thousands...she fixed the car.  No, it doesn't make sense.  She has several arguments for why it makes sense, but that's a whole other topic to blog about some other time.

Grandma owns a jack, and so does my Deputy...but Grandma is eager to get to work, and so she does this to her car...

Then, she proceeds to work on it.  Long story short, she traded some of her stuff for a relative to fix it.  They did not opt to use her version of a jack :)  The car runs now.


Grandma is often remarking on the cleanliness of other cars, specifically the Deputy's work truck.  Deputy tries to offer her advice on keeping her vehicles clean.  Grandma gets offended.  Why?  See the list :)

Deputy's Advice to Grandma

1. Stop smoking in your vehicle
2. If you must smoke, do not flick ashes everywhere
3. If you must smoke, empty ash tray often
4. Place opened drinks in the cupholders
5. Stop placing opened drinks on vehicle seat, dash, and floor, esp while driving the vehicle
6. If you transport weed-eaters, blowers, gas cans, etc, place them in the trunk
7. Remove trash from your car
8. Get the car washed

She gets mad, but if she just followed the list, her vehicles could be clean!  She also does not see the concern in driving around, flicking ashes next to a partially filled gas can, or other gas powered lawn equipment.  I think the only thing preventing her from bursting into flames is the excessive amount of spilled Pepsi.

About "them"

My Posse is, well...there's not really one word I can think of to describe them as a group.  Wanna know about them?  This is the place.

The Posse's oldest member is BoyCrazy.  She is 13.  This means that she is a train wreck waiting to happen EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.  She feels emotions at an extreme level that concerns my Deputy.  He just doesn't understand.  Come to think of it, maybe I don't understand, either.

When BoyCrazy is not being a wreck, she enjoys typical stuff.  She likes to read and watch tv.  She loves cooking, loom knitting, writing and creating artistic masterpieces to hang on the fridge.  She also likes cleaning, which is a strange thing to like, but I'm not complaining!  She wants to join the Coast Guard when she is old enough.

Next in line is Mastermind.  He is 11.  Mastermind is a special needs child with a mental health diagnosis that scares a lot of people, so we don't really share it often.  Mastermind looks like a "normal" boy, so we get a lot of strange looks about his behavior.  He is definitely a challenge, but cute :) 

A typical day with Mastermind includes keeping track of him at all times.  He's just so unpredictable.  His two favorite calming activities are reading and art.  Everything else is just a fleeting interest for him, it seems.  He wants to be crafty, but his coordination level and behavioral outbursts prevent him from finishing most projects.  

Mastermind spends his day trying to get someone in trouble.  It doesn't matter who gets in trouble, or why.  In order to accomplish this, Mastermind tells.  A LOT.  Maybe he will grow up and be a spy.

Hambone is the middle child in The Posse.  He is 7, and is a pretty easy child.  He is patient and kind.  He is the peacemaker and has the wisdom of an old man sometimes.  He is a very sweet boy.

Hambone likes to play video games, watch tv, and play outside.  He loves math, science and history.  He doesn't like excessive noise for any reason.  This is a problem pretty often in a Posse of Five, but he manages pretty well.  Maybe he will be a mediator.

Fourth in line is Pinky.  Pinky will be 4 next month.  She is a smart girl and is learning more every day.  She knows all of her letters and their sounds.  She can write her name, Mom and Dad.  She LOVES to work on reading, writing and math.

Pinky loves playing in the dirt.  She is all girly and clean until she sees dirt, then it's all over.  She will play in the dirt for hours.  I thought it might pass, but it's been a year and she still loves it.  Maybe she will be an archaeologist.

Last member of The Posse is Poopaccino.  He earned this name because The Deputy says that his breastfed poops sound like a cappuccino maker.  He was born a month early, and it took a while to get him on track, but he is great now!

Poopaccino is at a very cute,but noisy stage.  He has just fully discovered his voice.  He makes all kinds of cute baby noises, giggles, complains, and now he yells.  His favorite things are nursing, jumping, yelling and bathing.  He is amazed by light fixtures, his hands and my mouth.  Maybe he will be a dentist.

And then, there's my Deputy.  He works a lot to support our family, so that I may be at home with The Posse.  He is very supportive of my decisions, probably because it means he won't be able to make the wrong decision :)

9pm and all is well...or is it?

9pm is great.  It's so wonderful.  It's the exact moment in the day where I sense impending relief as I call out to The Posse.  "It's BED TIME!"  I am overcome with joy as I plan what DVR'd show I will watch without interruptions.  The first moment to myself!

BoyCrazy is so fed up with her family by this point.  I can't really blame her.  She sneaks a quick hug and "love you" in, then runs off.  Heaven forbid that someone might know that she still loves & needs her mom.

Mastermind is not ready for bed.  He doesn't really sleep.  Something, somewhere, needs to be taken apart and investigated and it is urgent.  If he doesn't do something right this minute, he might explode.  I decide to not battle with him just yet, and send him to brush his teeth while I focus on the remaining children.  That should make things easier, right?

Hambone loves to sleep.  He also loves brushing his teeth.  No problem getting him to bed.  Two kids down, I'm on a roll :)

Pinky isn't fond of bedtime.  She isn't fond of Mastermind, either.  She doesn't like that he's still up.  She is convinced that he is hiding somewhere and going to scare her again.  She cries, again.

Where is my freaking Deputy?  He is great at calming Pinky down when she's being unreasonable.  Oh yeah, Deputy's not here.  He's at work.  Lucky him!

Ok, Pinky go to Daddy's spot in the bed.  Mastermind go to your bed.  All's well and I can look thought the DVR.

Until Mastermind starts waking Hambone up.  Poopaccino wants to nurse.  Pinky has a night terror.  Mastermind tries to help.  Boycrazy gets mad at Pinky and Mastermind.  Hambone gets mad about the noise from Boycrazy, Pinky and Mastermind.

I need backup.  WHERE IS THAT DEPUTY?  Who cares what is on the DVR, get me some ice cream and some Calgon!

Good night, Posse!  You are a very enjoyable group after 9am, but not so much after 9pm!

My sanity is in question

I'm starting a blog.  I'm not really sure why.  Maybe it's because I feel like I should do something new for the new year.  Maybe it is because I feel like I don't have enough going on already.  Maybe I just feel like I'm the only person who doesn't blog.

BoyCrazy, age 13

It all started when I said, "Go to bed."  When I say those words, I always envision the cute little scene that my 13-year-old daughter, BoyCrazy, always writes about.  She has this idealistic perception of their little feet pitter-pattering to their rooms, with me following behind to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight.  It's a great story...but it never happens.

Most nights, it's exactly opposite of that.  At 8pm, The Posse is supposed to read or color, and take showers, in preparation for their 9pm bedtime.  My husband, we will call him my Deputy, is usually at work for this portion of the night.  Lucky him!

Pinky, age 3.  Yes, this is her normal picture face.

Hambone, age 7 Mastermind, age 11

BoyCrazy is feeling lots of teenage angst at this time, and starts unleashing her mood swings on everyone in sight.  She loves you, yet hates you all in the same breath.  The 11-year-old boy, Mastermind, starts hiding around the house and scaring the 7-year-old boy, Hambone.  Mastermind also makes it his mission to make 3-year-old girl, Pinky, cry.  Pinky does cry, every single night.  Unaffected by the noise and drama in the household, infant Poopaccino continues to smile and be adorable.

 Poopaccino, age 3 months

Battles and tears continue, while I question my purpose on the Earth.  I end up saying things like, "Stop talking to each other," only to realize that statement requires clarification.  I have to say, "No, really...stop speaking to each other.  Stop saying words.  Stop making noises of all kinds.  Don't look at each other.  Don't touch each other.  Don't pretend to look or touch or speak to each other."

This stuff continues on until 9pm.  Then, The Posse goes to bed and it's quiet in the house.

HAHAHA!  Did you actually believe that the night ends there?  Stay tuned for what happens when The Posse goes to bed.